I really only have three words today: I hate Shakespeare. Also, never attempt to take 4 classes, have a part-time job, an internship, and juggle a social life of friends, church and boyfriend. Wise words from the procrastination queen.

So far I have managed to word vomit over 7000 words total for three different essays that have all been written within the past two weeks (one on the 25th of March, one two nights ago, and one just now). I have met the page/word count for every one of them so far and somehow also managed to make them sound semi-intelligent and not so much like I wrote them last minute. I don't really know how I manage to churn out consistent content like this, but I really sincerely hope it keeps up because I have less than six hours to pump out another 2000 word essay. Telling myself to not procrastinate as much really doesn't work too well for me, I just seem to procrastinate even more...

The sun probably influenced all the good luck I had today. Or maybe I'm just pulling shit out of my ass again. But today was indeed a good day: the sun was shining (and NOT dripping rain on Raincouver for once), it's finally getting warmer, my father told me he thinks I've lost weight when in reality I've actually gained weight, life's good. Compound the good weather with the good news that I got accepted into the UBC Arts Internship Program for the summer makes a very happy me. Even better, I decided to drive to school today (as I have been doing every day since reading week ended because I'm a lazy bum and can't get up 20 minutes earlier to catch my bus) and actually got to enjoy the sunshine from the front seat of my baby rather than the overly crowded bus. But wait, I got back to my neighbourhood early and decided to drop by EB Games to buy a case for my 3DS because well, I need one. And I've been using an ill-fitting case that's actually meant for my portable hard drive so it was justifiable. I walk in, browse around the games as I always do because why not? Habits come in handy, because I almost missed out on seeing the copy of Fire Emblem: Awakening that was just sitting there in plain view (granted, it was a couple of shelves above my head because I'm such a midget but I saw it anyway). I see, I stare, I pick it up, I hold it close to me like a possessed person. So I walk away with both a new travel case for my 3DS and a game that's been sold out everywhere since it came out a month ago. I was told by the salesperson that they had just got the shipment in yesterday so I was extremely lucky to have chosen today of all days to walk in. My day ends well with a nice haircut that I've been in extreme need of because 8 months without a haircut is almost equivalent to death for me. Now if only I can find a copy of Xenoblade Chronicles for my Wii then everything would really be golden.

I ran into J on Wednesday last week after having not seen him for two months and we sat down and talked for almost two hours while he was on break between classes. I was done for the day and could have gone home (like I usually do), but since I hadn't seen him in so long I decided to stick around and accompany him in his boredom. It sort of made me realize how little I actually talk to people outside of class, work, and church. Even my own best friends have pretty little contact with me. We were talking about how we don't contact anyone from Science One anymore and it made me sad to think that I've basically let go of so many possible friendships. Out of all of the people I met during my almost four years of university education, I would say that I am comfortable with probably only less than ten people total. And while I don't get out often and meet very few people in comparison to others, that's still pretty pitiful.

Yesterday while commuting home, I was sitting across from this guy and girl talking to each other like they're old friends, but from what I could gather from their conversation, they're only acquaintances who happened to bump into each other on the same bus. I've always been envious of people who find it so easy to talk to others and make friends, since I obviously lack that particular ability. J said it's more important to have a few close friends than a lot of friends who aren't all that close to you, which is true, but still. One can hope for the impossible, can't they? My shyness and social awkwardness has improved immensely since I pulled myself out of that hole I dug myself into at the beginning of university, but there's still room for more improvement. Maybe if I get that acceptance into the internship program it'll boost my self-confidence. People keep telling me conflicting things about my self-confidence that I don't really know what to think anymore. Some say they think I'm really confident in myself that they admire, and I'm always like, "What are you talking about, are you viewing the world through rose-coloured lenses or something 'cause I'm the last person in the world you should be saying that to." Some days I do feel extremely confident, and other days I just feel like a pile of fly-attracting turd (obviously been watching too much The Binding of Issac).

Despite all that, I'm extremely glad I'm taking more initiative in my life now. Compared to two years ago, heck, even just one year ago, my future has probably never looked better.

I seem to have caught the bug that's floating around right now (just in time for reading week too!) and have been curled up at home the past few days with cups of hot water, my trusty herbal cough syrup, and my laptop. My immune system is normally pretty strong and I usually rarely ever catch a cold, so imagine my surprise when I went to bed last Monday night (granted, I did sleep at 3AM) and woke up Tuesday morning with the sorest throat that I've had since goodness knows when. It's been a very long time since the last time I got sick, and lo' and behold, my sickness came right before my midterms! Needless to say, I probably bombed all of them (I would be extremely surprised if I did half-decent to be quite honest) because I was feeling absolutely shitty the day of. I had three midterms that day, so really, who wouldn't feel shitty even without the cold? At least I've been happily forgetting about it by doing some therapeutic online shopping, writing, and video gaming (I must have gamed almost 12 hours between yesterday evening and tonight). My bank account may be slightly lighter, but at least I'm loads happier and way further into Radiant Dawn than I would have been otherwise. My only regret is that because it is reading week right now, I had really wanted to go out and have some fun with friends (and maybe take to actually documenting those adventures, because what else do I have a blog for?) but now I'm just stuck all by my lonesome at home.

Story of the day: "Theft" by Katherine Anne Porter. I was researching short stories that I could use for a stylistic analysis in my term paper for ENGL322 and came across an article discussing some stylistic features of this story and was lucky enough to find an online version of it in Google books preview. It's actually quite a brilliantly good short story and really puts a perspective on the material and what we desire out of what we possess in life. I do hope my professor will permit me to use this as my analysis topic for my paper because it is a little bit on the short side (only seven pages) and we were supposed to find a story that's 10-12 pages long but I'm sick and too lazy and who's actually going to count the pages if I can produce quality content with what I have?

I wrote these short poems for Creative Writing class during my stint at Kwantlen. They're not great, but I like to think of them as the start of my current writing adventure. Every writer has to start somewhere, right? Poetry isn't normally my cup of tea, but there are worse things.

> you are there, i'm not afraid
> maestro, take the stage
> the isle of the dead *my personal favourite

Painting the water lily isn't the focus here - it's the how that is the key. And not only am I not really told how, I don't have much of a clue of how to do it either. Ambiguous assignments are only made worse when I have not read the corresponding text and basically have to fib my way through it and make stuff up as I go. I guess my uncanny ability to pull random ideas out of thin air comes in handy once in a while, but becomes less and less effective the more I use it because there is only so much bullshit I can come up with that doesn't sound like bullshit (and the rest is just bullshit). The dragonflies are probably giddy with delight that my brain has been left behind in the prehistoric bedragoned times.

With reference to "To Paint a Water Lily" by Ted Hughes.

I've been thinking long and hard and have come to the conclusion that, despite my busy schedule and constant need to procrastinate, I need some place where I can be free of any inhibitions and just write whatever comes to mind. I don't like doing this on Tumblr, because I feel that Tumblr looks better filled with pictures and not text, and my LiveJournal is dedicated to my actual writing writing (not that there's anything there at the moment, but that's beside the point). I'm not looking for feedback or sympathy here - this is just a place to vent and ooze feelings out of my every pore without having people judge (publicly judge at least, since I suppose I can't prevent people from judging in their minds). I might not seem like the most feeling-induced person in the world because of my rather one-faced demeanour (whatever that means) but they're there; I just don't reflect on them enough and I highly regret not having done so earlier. After a month of ENGL222 classes, I realize that my life probably isn't as dull as I always thought it was, and that I just wasn't paying enough attention to my surroundings and reflect. Reflection is the key here, and I'm hoping that it will help me to open the lock on my heart that never seemed to be fully unlocked before. Paragraphs are also a thing that I don't do very well and will probably need to work on while I sort through my jumbled thoughts. But one thing at a time.