I ran into J on Wednesday last week after having not seen him for two months and we sat down and talked for almost two hours while he was on break between classes. I was done for the day and could have gone home (like I usually do), but since I hadn't seen him in so long I decided to stick around and accompany him in his boredom. It sort of made me realize how little I actually talk to people outside of class, work, and church. Even my own best friends have pretty little contact with me. We were talking about how we don't contact anyone from Science One anymore and it made me sad to think that I've basically let go of so many possible friendships. Out of all of the people I met during my almost four years of university education, I would say that I am comfortable with probably only less than ten people total. And while I don't get out often and meet very few people in comparison to others, that's still pretty pitiful.

Yesterday while commuting home, I was sitting across from this guy and girl talking to each other like they're old friends, but from what I could gather from their conversation, they're only acquaintances who happened to bump into each other on the same bus. I've always been envious of people who find it so easy to talk to others and make friends, since I obviously lack that particular ability. J said it's more important to have a few close friends than a lot of friends who aren't all that close to you, which is true, but still. One can hope for the impossible, can't they? My shyness and social awkwardness has improved immensely since I pulled myself out of that hole I dug myself into at the beginning of university, but there's still room for more improvement. Maybe if I get that acceptance into the internship program it'll boost my self-confidence. People keep telling me conflicting things about my self-confidence that I don't really know what to think anymore. Some say they think I'm really confident in myself that they admire, and I'm always like, "What are you talking about, are you viewing the world through rose-coloured lenses or something 'cause I'm the last person in the world you should be saying that to." Some days I do feel extremely confident, and other days I just feel like a pile of fly-attracting turd (obviously been watching too much The Binding of Issac).

Despite all that, I'm extremely glad I'm taking more initiative in my life now. Compared to two years ago, heck, even just one year ago, my future has probably never looked better.